That Can Cut Me

I was cut by a can as a child. The razor-sharp, metal top of a soup can, the kind you use a can opener to slice through. It actually cut deep enough to sever some nerves, leaving a nasty scar and a weird half-numb, tingling feeling in my pinky finger to this day, twenty-odd years later. It was my own fault, to be sure, I was probably using it as a Frisbee® or a shield for my GI Joe™ action figures, or something like that.

So I was wondering: why, in this age of litigation, has no one sued the makers of cans for not warning us they were sharp? I mean, at first we weren't warned that tobacco was addictive and harmful, that coffee could be hot enough to burn us, or that electricity and water don't mix. Then some people got hurt (OK, some got killed too), and some people sued. These warnings are ubiquitous now. Just have a look at any tobacco product, any cup designed to hold hot beverages, or the cord of any hair dryer. Surely if someone had sued a can manufacturer or a food company for not warning them, every can would sport such a cautionary statement. Why do cans get spared from people suing for their own stupidity?

It could have something to do with the fact that you need to be slightly smarter than the average animal, and more dextrous than the average three-year-old to operate a can opener. The barrier of entry is a little higher to create a dangerous object out of a can, except for maybe dropping it on your toe. But I thought, more likely, it's just an implicit acknowledgment by individuals of the fact that, hey, those things can cut you!

Then I noticed that a can with the little tab on it does have a warning: "CAUTION: SHARP EDGES" (yeah, I know, you can't see it but trust me, it's there). But so are the instructions for opening the can. I guess the other guys would blame the maker of the can opener, since it created the danger and not them. After all, apparently people used to open their cans with a hammer and chisel. That had to be a lot more dangerous.

The Next Rocketstar Generation

What am I doing? What is my better half doing? What kind of human beings are we growing?

• One that questions everything.
• One that is a skeptic at heart.
• One that is so obsessed by the imperfections of the world that they will miss the beauty.
• One that doesn't not follow the sheep blindly.
• One that will encounter tough times for her analytical thinking.
• One that will loathe those in government for thier coniving motives.
• One that understands what REAL character is.
• One that needs to escape from this experiment we call life far too often.
• One that doesn't hate people, but seems to feel better when they are not around.
• One that sees that big picture and isn't blurred from the minutia.
• One that sees this life as an insignificant skid mark on the universes' underwear.

Is my insanity going to slowly and ever so deeply infect my future genetic material?

Of course it is, unfortunately.

A Call To Arms

Okay, this is my plea for help, and since a know for a fact that a good many witty and devious souls visit this blog I figured this would be a perfect place to acquire a devilish scheme.

I work with a fellow who insists on playing one practical joke after another on me. Now I consider myself a pretty fair practical joker. I've always subscribed tot he idea of getting ahead rather than even, but currently I am losing the war. This fellow has added tot he name pained on my work locker. It did read ERWIN for my last name and he added the letters NEV to spell out never win.

He has used black electrical tape to cover the stripe on my time card so that I stood at the clock like an idiot trying to swipe my card. He has left numerous witty notes that have gotten more laughs and reaction than anything I have done so far. I have however procured the combination to his locker and I'd love to leave him a little surprise in their, but it has to be good. Any suggestions?

By the way I offer up a picture to prove that normally I win these battles. Several years ago I was taking a lot of heat from Texas Longhorn fans here ate work. They added horns to my roll around tool box. Left a variety of newspaper articles where I would find them, and so forth. But when they shoe polished my car and tied orange streamers and balloons to it I decided to show them what I was made of. Here is what I accomplished with a lawn mower and eighteen cans of red spray paint.

The N stood about sixteen foot high and was thirteen or fourteen foot wide. Before I painted it I scalped his grass as low as it would go so that he couldn't simply mow it off. I did this in broad daylight and the neighbor came out about halfway in and asked what I was doing. When I said making a Christmas decoration he simply shrugged, said don't get any on my yard, and went back into his house.

The guy who own this house watered heavily and raked the ares for over a week until you couldn't see the N anymore. This was mid December. Come spring he had provided so much car to the one area that he had a huge green N that did not blend in with the rest of the yard until mid summer. I also told him if he messed with me again I was going to climb on his roof and dump five hundred pounds of feed corn down his chimney. No one has shoe polished me since.

That's what I need now. The equivalent of that BIG RED N. So what y'all got?

A church where every woman has a smile.

This one is for Duck the founder of this here amalgamation. I have seen a few similar pics on his regular site.






I hope you can decipher the message, but if not this church sign reads -- TRAIN YOUR TONGUE TO OFFER COMFORT



I spotted this message while driving down a busy street. My wife missed it at first so I told her what it said as I circled back to snap this pic. She said. I'm sure they didn't mean it that way. I agree but still people need to think these things through ...



Or am I the only one whose mind hops right in the gutter on this one?

THE Greatest Feeling Ever

Ok, well first we obviously must remove the ORGASM fro the potential list as we all know that it is THE greatest feeling ever, otherwise you would not be here.

So after the orgasm, here is the greatest feeling.

At #1, we have that "state of mind" in between WAKE and SLEEP. That feeling you get while watching TV in bed and drifting into and out of sleep. That delicate middle part that sometimes GET"S JOLTED by a feeling of falling although most of the time it is heaven (figuratively of course).

That feeling of your brain shutting down, rebooting and resetting for the loads , no TONS of information your brain will attempt to process the next day. I LOVE that feeling, the feeling of numbness.

Cross Posted at my blog at Rocketstar's Thoughts on Life