Friday, July 18, 2008

The younger man dream, revisited

I had a version of the "younger man" dream again this morning. Good Lord, the things this dream reveal about me.

I was in university attending a molecular biology forum and party. I felt like a little bit of an imposter being there - though I had been invited by my thesis advisor - because I was not doing the type of research being discussed there. After a while I wandered off for a breather: food and drink was being given out while the discussions were progressing and I didn't feel I had a right to them.

I wandered into a class on lyric writing and music composition. Students were allowed to walk around and to interect - to get feedback on their particular musical piece and lyrics, for example - so I didn't look out of place. A former boyfriend was there, doing well as usual, even though music wasn't his known forte. I made it a point to steer clear of him because I felt he routinely outshined me, and I had nothing to contribute to this class in progress.

I saw a somewhat handsome, engaging young man who looked slightly dejected. I looked over his shoulder to glance at his notes: What exactly was the nature of his problem? Instead of being about music, the notes were regarding attempts he had made to interact with various girls who appealed to him. "Asked her about the assignment and if she wanted to discuss it over coffee, but she said no" - type thing. My heart went out to him. Another socially maladjusted person ( - like me?!). I felt somewhat accomplished and big-hearted at that particular moment, so I asked him, "Can I give you a hug?". He instantly came alive, but not without a look of extreme shock and surprise first. A female was addressing him first!

I hugged him, he liked it, and he became my puppy dog. I didn't mind, but was wondering if the ex-boyfriend would think I was hanging out with a loser - I wasn't sure. (I remember the odd looks that ex would give me when I showed up somewhere with someone new.) I walked the young guy to parts of campus that I didn't think the ex frequented. He seemed really stuck on me, like all of a sudden he was putting all his eggs in my basket. (I was a little concerned, because my basket was wobbly and threadbare.) I said, "You do realize that even though we are alike in several ways - like being at university while still technically younger than traditional age students, that I am older than you? I'm in ninth grade." He said it was not that big a deal, and that he was in eighth, not seventh. Somehow we both seemed relieved and the matter was dropped. (Okay, I don't understand how it was that I had an advanced degree in biology in the dream already. Hmm.)

We had a nice time walking around the campus, and I pointed out some notable areas he might not have discovered yet, like the map collection on the eighth floor of the Sciences library. The more experienced older woman showing the younger guy some of the ropes. He seemed glad to be introduced to everything I showed him, and the moods were good - friendly, cheerful, lighthearted, hopeful.

I eventually felt brave enough to ask if he wanted to spend the night in my room with me. I wanted the good feelings to continue. He about dropped dead from heart failure - the horrified scared look on his face was priceless - so I thought I should immediately soften my statement. I said, "Uh, not for ... we'd just be near each other for the comforting presence of another human being is all", and he said, "Oh, yeah, yeah, I know!" and seemed relieved. Then he said "First I have to stop by my room, though. You can come along if you want".

When we got to his room, things started to disintegrate. There was a sink there that I wanted to wash my hands at. He saw my intention and said, "Make sure you leave the sink completely tidy. That's the way we like it." I asked, "We?", and he said, "Yeah, me and my mom". Then he told me to mind where I put my stuff down so it wouldn't become either wet or get into his way.

I thought, uh oh!!! For one, every time someone reminds me about something I'm sure to do anyway, I quietly seethe inside. I am a vigilant and careful person on my own, after all, and I don't take kindly to being reminded to do things I always do anyway. I am particularly fastidious with bathroom etiquette - I always leave the bathroom cleaner than I found it. And I almost never leave possessions behind, so for example, I hate to be told not to forget my purse or sweater somewhere. And another thing, who ruled his life, he or his mother? And even if his mother didn't rule his life, I didn't need to take on a fastidious, meticulous person. I am fastidious in my own ways but I don't need the added burden of living by another prissy, overdemanding person's rules. It's enough of a burden to live inside my own self.

I asked, "Where is your mom, anyway?" He said, "Well, I don't think she's here, but she could be. She kind of skulks. So be on your guard."

Immediately I thought, how do I get myself out of this situation? He intends to shower, right? I'll ditch him while he's showering. Good thing he doesn't know exactly where my room is. He might be able to look it up in the directory - did he get my last name? - but by the time he finds out, I'll be mentally and physically prepared. I don't need a little boy. Let his mother comfort her boy. I hope I don't run into the mother as I flee this place!

My take-home message from this dream is that getting involved with a youngster might be more of a drag than it gives you in pleasure! And: eventually the fun ends, and the unfortunate personality traits of a given person make themselves known so as to make your time together a lot less fun, so that you want to flee.

© April 30, 2008 Ribonuff All Rights Reserved.


angel, jr. said...

Hey, this is well written!

Momentary Madness said...

Maybe you have a tad too many rules you have to let go and feel the comfort of your own skin;-)
Just a thought.

Ribonuff said...

@ angel, jr.: thank you kindly! ;-)

@ momentary madness: Definitely! (I have self-diagnosed OCD.) That's how I got to know dartonw on here; he and I have set some similar hoops to jump through for ourselves.

Cheers, Ribonuff, July 25
(I am trying to smile through my tears upon being steeped in the passing of Randy Pausch today.)

Amalgamation - The merging of many things to form one.

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