More hilarious videos from India!

I found more hilarious videos from my motherland, and of course, I had to share them with my fellow amalgamites! I suppose that most of you know the song "Crank That (Soulja Boy)." Here's a parody of the song by a duo named Pari and Harvin. Their version is called "Crank Dat Curry Sauce!" I laughed like a maniac!! The second one is by another duo, MC Vikram & Ludakrishna, who sing the "Biodata song." For those who aren't familiar with biodata or shaadi.com, please do a google search. Agh I'm not disappointed in the talents of rising India:-) Have a Merry Christmas!!!

The Endangered Duck

So the one and only Duck started this here amalgamation and now is nowhere to be seen. Not at his normal blog and not here at his creation. Where or where could he be and what could he be doing that that is so important he couldn't show beak or feather here. A few of my theories.



The Duck is busy starting a new business.






He is busy entertaining the kids.





He is hiding from the law.




His long lost Siamese brother is in town.





A terrible accident has befallen him.





He is being held hostage.




I'm sure all of ya'll can come up with a few more theories. I say we keep posting until we shame him into showing his webbed little feet.

Don't look down!!

How trippy would this be? Could you even "go"?

Time to Get Your Groove On!

The Condom Teletubbies

My first contribution to this blog is an entertaining video to promote safe sex in India. It's quite hilarious to hear this in Telugu, which is my native language. I guess times are changing over there! My God I wouldn't even be able to talk about this topic with my relatives. Finally they resorted to creative solutions to curb the HIV/AIDS epidemic! Enjoy--it's kind of long!

For That Hard to Buy for Woman

I first heard of this new gadget over on the Criminal Brief blog.

Yep, it is exactly what it looks like. A new, personal experience for the woman who REALLY gets INTO her music. I'm sure it is merely a coincidence that the thing is priced at $69. By the way it is called the OhMiBod and like Leigh Lundin, the blogger I found out about this from I can't think of a better song to play with it than the Beach Boys Good Vibrations. So what other songs would you guys suggest?

Some Political Humor

Some political humor. This is from Monty Python and The Holy Grail. One of my favorites of all time.

Monty Python - Old Woman - click on link for short video from movie

Enjoy your turkey dinners!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi everyone. I just wanted to take some time out and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I won't be getting to spend this holiday with my parents and siblings, but with my cousins. And my cousins have been like my second family since I was two years old (so really same difference). I promised the younger ones I may go swimming (and hopefully it won't be because I get pushed into the pool). However, I may have to take it back because my belly still wiggles like a bowl full of jelly. Why am I leaving you guys with that image? Not something very appetizing.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving dinner!

Hilarious!

Stop whatever you're doing, click this link, and listen to this. Oh my gosh it is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. This made my day.

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf

Brings back memories

So, this past Saturday I went to the final home Purdue football game, and of course it's Senior Day and of course that brought back TONS of great memories from my own Senior Day. For those of you who don't know I was a four year member of the Purdue University Spirit Squad. It was quite frankly the best four years of my life, and I made lifelong friends in the process.

Just to take you through the day, it always start with a breakfast at someone's house and the underclassmen serving you. Kristen who is my girlfriend was an underclassman at that time, unfortunately we weren't dating then so I couldn't give her hell. After that you're given your first gift of a picture frame full of memories, it's basically a Purdue Cheerleading collage of pictures. I still have mine! After that you're led outside to see your limo waiting for you, yes they get us a stretch limo to take us around town and eventually to the game. The fun part is touring campus, we hit up breakfast club. For those of you who don't know Purdue has a tradition where the bars open super early on home game Saturdays and serve booze dirt cheap if you are dressed in costume. So, we went in and mingled and the girls led the fight song on top of the bar and we did some cheers, and got recognized it was great. Then it was time to head over for the game, and the warm up area is decorated for us and we receive more gifts it's like Christmas! Then it's time to take the field for the last time at Ross Ade Stadium.

Our Senior Day was awesome because of the excitement in Ross Ade, we were playing our arch rival Indiana for the Old Oaken Bucket, and if we could win we would be the Big Ten Champs and head to the Rose Bowl. I remember the day like it was yesterday, it was FREEZING, we had on warm ups plus our nice warm Purdue Jackets, and head warmers. I got goosebumps when we were recognized before the 4th quarter SHOUT. We routed IU big time behind Purdue legend, and current New Orleans Saint Drew Brees, and the crowd rushed the field. The best part was us seniors got to present the Old Oaken Bucket to Joe Tiller and Drew Brees full of Red Roses. It was so amazing, a day I will truly never forget.

I hope this hasn't bored you all too much! Just watching the Seniors get recognized before the 4th Quarter Shout got me all nostalgic. Thanks for humoring me :)

Boiler Up!
Phats
By the way this is a first I am in that picture up top. It's from homecoming where I participated in the Alumni Cheerleading, the question is which one am I? No telling Cher or Tena!

Fucking and Fricking

**** NOT MY OFFSPRING OR EVEN IN MY GENETIC LINE **********

Words are a very interesting and complex medium.

• Some words have multiple meanings. Blow, Shit, Weed
• Some words have a single meaning. Stethoscope, Listen
• Some words have been around for ages. Son, Man
• Some words have just been created. Shizzel, Krunk
• Some words are acceptable. Hello, Goodbye
• Some words are deemed "unacceptable". Jesus H Fucking Christ

It started several years ago. People started to say Frick instead of Fuck because you were not "supposed" to say Fuck as that word is inappropriate. But Frick, well that is not Fuck so it's OK.

So is it the meaning behind the words that matters or the spelling of the words?

Language is used to convey thoughts/meanings/ideas etc... It doesn't FUCKING matter how you spell the words, it is the meaning of the FUCKING words that matters.

Beware the Hedgehogs of Doom

Hello all! Sorry, it's been a while since I've popped my head up. But I'm still here!

My current travels/adventures throughout the British Isles are being related over at my usual blog, but I have conundrum I thought perhaps you all could help me with.

Now, I am not what you would call a huge fan of modern art. Usually I spend my time at modern art museums with raised eyebrows and a dubious expression, trying to avoid the hipsters and intelligentsia.

But a couple days ago I went to the Irish Museum of Modern Art in Dublin (I sort of accidentally walked past it and went, "why not?"). My full adventures therein can be found on my blog, but I want to share with you the strange sights that met me as I approached the entrance.

What is this? I thought, and paused to investigate further.

Can this be art? I thought (I occasionally get confused at modern art museums). But I looked high and low and nary a plaque with artist's name was to be found. There were definitely plaques at the other outdoor art pieces. Perhaps we are being warned against foxes. But then why the cat and the squirrel?

And there was this one, off to the right...

Caution: Hedgehogs. Maybe it's an Irish thing?

I stood there for a long time being confused. So perhaps you can help me, Gentle Readers: Are these signs...

a) Art. I was just too incompetent to find the plaque.

b) Warnings. I was lucky to have escaped the area with my life.

c) Neither. I have completely missed the purpose of these signs, which is _____.

Please help.

Guess It's Better Than Polka Dotted Penis

Would you eat this?

Yeah, me neither.

I spotted this fine product in a store called World Market which sales imported goods from all over the globe. They have everything from wine to bedding. But this one raised my brows and made me realize a few things.

1) No wonder the spotted owl is endangered. This harvesting program has to be brutal on their mating habits.

2) How many owl hootus's does it take to fill a can this size?

3)What is Heinz not selling enough ketchup these days?

Okay all fun aside the can says this is a sponge pudding with raisins and plums or something along that sort. Who knows, it might be good, but couldn't they have at least called it Spotted Richard?

So have any of you tried any spotted dick?

I'm not dead, I'm writing

Hi everybody,

I've been out of the loop for a long time, for which I apologize. Not only have I been traveling out of the country but I'm trying to finish my novel.

Not being a regular contributor, I've missed a lot of what's been happening here. I do keep in touch with several of you via email or by visiting your blogs, which I will continue to do. My problem is that I don't have enough time to cross-post to two blogs.

That said, I'll check in with you all here from time to time, and I hope you'll come over and visit me at my blog.

Wishing you all the best,
Tena

Trick or Treat or Church

Here in West Virginia, many cities have chosen to observe trick or treating on Tuesday, October 30th, which would technically be All Hallow's Eve Eve I guess. I haven't heard of this anywhere I've ever lived before, but the reason for this is because many churches in the area either have church activities, or actually have their services on Wednesdays.

I'm not a big fan of moving the trick or treating around, but then again I'm a heathen. I would think that even if I did go to church on Wednesdays that I wouldn't mind missing church one week out of the year to celebrate a national holiday. Independence Day was on a Wednesday this year too. They didn't reschedule the fireworks so people wouldn't have to miss Bible study. This whole "church on Wednesday" thing is new to me anyway. Who goes to church on Wednesdays? I thought Sunday was the day. The sabbath and all that.

Anyway, what do you think?

It was a happy homecoming for Phats

Well for those of you who don't know, or don't read my other blog, I am a diehard Purdue fan, a purdue graduate, and a former Purdue Cheerleader. So, homecoming is always a fun time for me, because it consists of getting to go back on the field and cheer again! This year our opponent was the Northwestern Wildcats, and I have to tell you just standing in the endzone waiting to run on with the team I was freaking pumped up, they let us old geezer alumni run the flags, and it still doesn't matter I still get goosebumps when I hear Hail Purdue.

As for the game itself it was crazy, we won 35-17 it wasn't that easy though we had to score 21 4th quarter points, and hold them to 4 total yards, and 0 first downs to win the thing. I have to admit that after the game I was a little sore, I tumbled thru the endzone after we scored a touchdown and threw my full twist which I haven't really done since college, and didn't warm it up. Gladly I landed it and didn't fall on my ass and embarrass myself.

After the game my girlfriend and I went to some cool halloween parties on campus, and continued to catch up with old friends and people we had cheered with(my gf cheered at purdue too). All in all a great homecoming weekend. Oh yeah, I got to see Neil Armstrong! He is a Purdue grad as well, and he led the fourth quarter shout, but before the game they honored him by naming a new engineering wing after him, pretty cool. Here is a picture of him leading SHOUT, he got a HUGE ovation, even the football teams were looking up in awe.

Drugs and Toxicity

The Toxicity of Recreational Drugs

"How then does one gauge the relative risks of different recreational drugs? One way is to consider the ratio of effective dose to lethal dose. For example, a normally healthy 70-kilogram (154-pound) adult can achieve a relaxed affability from approximately 33 grams of ethyl alcohol. This effective dose can come from two 12-ounce beers, two 5-ounce glasses of wine or two 1.5-ounce shots of 80-proof vodka. The median lethal dose for such an adult is approximately 330 grams, the quantity contained in about 20 shots of vodka. A person who consumes that much (10 times the median effective dose), taken within a few minutes on an empty stomach, risks a lethal reaction. And plenty of people have died this way."

"The most toxic recreational drugs, such as GHB (gamma-hydroxybutyrate) and heroin, have a lethal dose less than 10 times their typical effective dose. The largest cluster of substances has a lethal dose that is 10 to 20 times the effective dose: These include cocaine, MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine, often called "ecstasy") and alcohol. A less toxic group of substances, requiring 20 to 80 times the effective dose to cause death, include Rohypnol (flunitrazepam or "roofies") and mescaline (peyote cactus). The least physiologically toxic substances, those requiring 100 to 1,000 times the effective dose to cause death, include psilocybin mushrooms and marijuana, when ingested. I've found no published cases in the English language that document deaths from smoked marijuana, so the actual lethal dose is a mystery. My surmise is that smoking marijuana is more risky than eating it but still safer than getting drunk.

Alcohol thus ranks at the dangerous end of the toxicity spectrum. So despite the fact that about 75 percent of all adults in the United States enjoy an occasional drink, it must be remembered that alcohol is quite toxic. Indeed, if alcohol were a newly formulated beverage, its high toxicity and addiction potential would surely prevent it from being marketed as a food or drug. "

So the least lethal drugs in our society are illegal while alcohol which is a highly lethal drug, is available on the shelves of your local liquor store. If drugs are illegal because they are a danger to society, then we have it ass backwards.
Doesn't make much sense does it?

Candidate Candor

Not sure how you all feel, but me personally, I'm terrified of this woman getting into office. Although, I don't know what's scarier, her being President, or the yahoo's who'll vote for her just b/c she's a woman and not because they truly believe in her!

Happy 30th To ME!

Yay!!!

Today is the day, I turn THIRTY!!!

The Universe

Now just sit back a minute and look at the universe and think about this, truly think about this. First, it may help to set the mindset for time and scale. Think about how BIG 100 MILLION dollars or 100 MILLION of any object for that matter, is. This entry will be referring to hundreds of BILLIONS and TRILLIONS.

It has taken a long approximately 5000 years to get from the first written language to today.

The universe is mind blowingly old and vast.

• *The universe began 13.7 BILLION years ago. (wilderdom.com)
• *About 25% of the universe consists of "dark matter", and about 70% consists of "dark energy", leaving only about 5% of the universe visible to us. (per sentex.net)
• *Earth's solar system was formed about 5 BILLION years ago. (per wilderdom.com )

The basic numbers are unfathomable.

• *The Sun is only one of the more than 200 billion stars in our Milky Way galaxy. (per factmonster.com)
• *The Milky Way Galaxy is one of 80 billion of galaxies in the universe. (factmonster.com)
• *A "light year" is a measure of distance, not time. It is approx. 6 trillion miles. (per sentex.net)
• *The distance between one arm of the Milky Way galaxy spiral and another is approx. 6,500 light-years. (per crystalinks.com)
• *If a beam of light were to be shot around the Milky Way, it would take almost 250,000 years to complete its journey. (per crystalinks.com)

The incredible speeds that everything is moving at are unreal. Think about the energy created by these masses moving this fast, and then colliding, unimaginable.

• *The Earth is rotating on its axis at a rate of 460 metres per second at the equator, and is orbiting the sun at a rate of about 30 kilometres per second.
• *The Sun is orbiting the center of the Milky Way at a rate of about 220 kilometres per second.
• *The Milky Way is moving at a speed of about 1000 kilometres per second towards a region of space 150 million light years away called the Great Attractor.

So basically, of ALL that exists in the universe: all the dark matter, galaxies, every single atom, we currently understand/know about what, 1% of it, thats being generous.

So KNOWING how much that we DO NOT know, how does any religion that claims to understand/explain etc... human origin stay alive ?

I miss Santa Claus.

That Can Cut Me

I was cut by a can as a child. The razor-sharp, metal top of a soup can, the kind you use a can opener to slice through. It actually cut deep enough to sever some nerves, leaving a nasty scar and a weird half-numb, tingling feeling in my pinky finger to this day, twenty-odd years later. It was my own fault, to be sure, I was probably using it as a Frisbee® or a shield for my GI Joe™ action figures, or something like that.

So I was wondering: why, in this age of litigation, has no one sued the makers of cans for not warning us they were sharp? I mean, at first we weren't warned that tobacco was addictive and harmful, that coffee could be hot enough to burn us, or that electricity and water don't mix. Then some people got hurt (OK, some got killed too), and some people sued. These warnings are ubiquitous now. Just have a look at any tobacco product, any cup designed to hold hot beverages, or the cord of any hair dryer. Surely if someone had sued a can manufacturer or a food company for not warning them, every can would sport such a cautionary statement. Why do cans get spared from people suing for their own stupidity?

It could have something to do with the fact that you need to be slightly smarter than the average animal, and more dextrous than the average three-year-old to operate a can opener. The barrier of entry is a little higher to create a dangerous object out of a can, except for maybe dropping it on your toe. But I thought, more likely, it's just an implicit acknowledgment by individuals of the fact that, hey, those things can cut you!

Then I noticed that a can with the little tab on it does have a warning: "CAUTION: SHARP EDGES" (yeah, I know, you can't see it but trust me, it's there). But so are the instructions for opening the can. I guess the other guys would blame the maker of the can opener, since it created the danger and not them. After all, apparently people used to open their cans with a hammer and chisel. That had to be a lot more dangerous.

My Duct Tape War

Just thought I'd give you an update on my running battle with my coworker. I still haven't decided on what to do inside the locker but when I came in and found the lock on my locker duct taped I decided to fire back a bit.

I didn't start out with the intention of making my creation phallic of nature -- it just turned out that way. The protruding blue digit is the middle finger on a latex glove and it was very intentional. I should have taken pictures in stages. Inside the duct tape is a locking canister for a power plug. It is bolted together with a locking nut. Inside of that is a multi hasp lock with six bolts of varying sizes all with locking nuts. Through that is his lock which has about twenty zip ties on it. The best part of this is he will need tools to get inside. His tools are in a roll around toolbox which is locked. And where does he keep his key? In his locker.

If he gets in within thirty minutes, I'll consider him to be the second coming of Houdini. And that's after he borrows tools.

Going to America

First off I'd like to say that it's only since moving to England that I find myself saying America and American. I'd been one of those people who said 'United States' in deference to the other Americas about- central, south, etc. But if you say 'United States' here it makes you look like kind of a twat. (US is okay however.)

Anyway, in less than a week I'll be flying back to the US for my first visit since I moved here 2 years ago. It will be interesting, but not too much so, as most of the people I'd have liked to see have all moved far away from Boise (NATE). Everything is mostly taken care of although there is too much last-minute work for me to possibly finish last-minute. I'm going to have a hard time not bringing work with me - especially as a few of the days I'm on holiday I HAVE set aside for work, just other kinds. (Some conference days, and making some contacts at BSU, which are what's paying for all the plane tickets hotel etc... hey free vacation for a couple days work? OK!)

Ever since last Friday I've been thinking pretty constantly about all the US food I've not had in 2 years or longer. It's not even food I necessarily want or even LIKE. It's just that I've realized that soon, they will be within my grasp, and I COULD have them if I wanted them.

Egg nog!
Beef jerky!
Hot pockets!
Pizza bagels!
Hamburger Helper!
Peanut Butter M&Ms!
Some Dude's Fry Sauce!
Frozen wontons from Winco!
Kraft box macaroni and cheese!
Paul's Market restaurant style salsa!

I don't even LIKE most of that stuff, but I keep THINKING about them. OK, the last two ARE things I like and will probably have when I'm back... although I'll feel a bit guilty about the mac and cheese. But the rest of that stuff, no way.

I'm definitely going to Mongolian BBQ though. Maybe twice.

Wow. Just... wow.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21271545/

Apparently it's christmas time in Indiana.

Alright so I get in my car to drive to work the other day, I am barely awake as it is at 6:00am and I turn on my favorite radio station and what do I hear, that's right Christmas Music. Yes, it's not even Halloween and they are playing Christmas music so I am thinking WTF, at first I thought it might be some joke the morning show is doing, it's called Marco and the Morning Mess. However, after about 10 more Christmas songs with no DJ breaks I figured it wasn't a joke. So, I get to school(I am a teacher) and I got on their homepage, and see the message Radio Now will no longer be heard on this station anymore, instead we bring you 93 days of Christmas Music. What the hell?! I don't want to hear Christmas music in October damn it.

So, apparently the scoop is the ad revenue wasn't good enough for emmis(the owners) and they are going be bringing talk radio to the station in January. Today though the good news was Radio Now was bought by Radio One and is changing frequency's, now I just hope the morning mess group will all come back! It was one of the few good radio stations around here, and the morning show is freaking hilarious. The morning show crew was on a cruise when all this went down and came back to not having job, can you imagine that?? SUCKY! So, as long as all my favorite DJ's are back I am not pissed off anymore.

If you want to see my predictions for all the bloggers favorite college football teams head over to my other blog, and BOILER UP BABY!!!
BTFU
Phats

WTFIWWM

Or, in words, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Anyhow, this is actually a contrite post about buying a car. I decided to post it because it describes the twisted path that is my mind.

Minivan shopping.

Mmmhm. Stupid right? Straight forward? Lost already? The spouse and I (new official designation) are thinking we may be buying a new vehicle. We have this bare bones Saturn Vue, which is okay, but with 2 kids, we are often wishing for more seating, or just further apart seating. And, our Saturn, well, it is loud. I mean LOUD. We keep asking, was it this loud when we bought it? What were we thinking? Headache inducing loud on the road. The solution of course is to turn up the stereo, but we have very few actual cd's floating around and 4 ipods. This leads us to a lack of axillary jack to play music in the car through the ipod, and the iTrip doesn't work so hot either.

We got into our heads that we really NEED a minivan. But the truth is, we don't really need it. We just want it. I have been researching minivans for months and finally got it down to the Honda or the Toyota. Well, I wouldn't say finally, that part was pretty easy. Then, I decided we needed a Toyota because that seems to be the quieter ride and the interior is nicer (though, I prefer the looks of the Honda but honestly, how often do we really look at the outside of our vehicles?).

I have spent months researching and learning the train wreck that is Toyota's version of options. First you have to decide what "trim level" you want, CE, LE, LE 8 passenger, XLE, or XLE Limited. And then, you navigate the waters of options and "package only" options and trim level only options to the point that.... you want to puke. Then, to really top it off, Toyota makes certain packages and options only available in certain states not others, and as we are looking at 3 or 4 states as possible places of purchase, it gets even more muddy.

Then of course, there is the money factor. Now, those who know me, not even well, just vaguely know me, know I HATE spending money. My best friend often comments that "I am so tight my farts squeak" which while exceedingly eloquent, is perhaps an oversimplification. I am not cheap, I am frugal. I don't mind spending money when I feel I am getting good VALUE for my buck (or my husband's buck as I haven't contributed financially to this marriage in quite some time now). This then leads to an obsessive, disgusting quest to find the most value.

Last weekend, we went and tried out some options. We listened to the regular audio which sounded fine until we listened to the upgraded audio. Then the regular audio sounded like a Sony Walkman tossed into a trash can... quiet and tinny. Okay, well to get the good ol' upgraded audio that we now NEED to drown out the 32nd round of "are we there yet" we then have to either get a PACKAGE or, go up a trim level. Both add significant more dollars to the price. Then, we see the navigation system with the very fancy touch screen controls and BACK UP CAMERA. Hmmm.... nice. We decide, we NEED this as we are in a pattern of moving about the country with my husband's job. Well, of course, to get the navigation, you have to UPGRADE.

Somehow, we are ending up with a fully loaded XLE limited as our choice, which seems... silly. And this is taking us into the $35 THOUSAND dollar range, which now has me thinking, well what other cars can we get for $35 grand?

And thus, the search continues... someday, we may even manage to get a new car.

The Next Rocketstar Generation

What am I doing? What is my better half doing? What kind of human beings are we growing?

• One that questions everything.
• One that is a skeptic at heart.
• One that is so obsessed by the imperfections of the world that they will miss the beauty.
• One that doesn't not follow the sheep blindly.
• One that will encounter tough times for her analytical thinking.
• One that will loathe those in government for thier coniving motives.
• One that understands what REAL character is.
• One that needs to escape from this experiment we call life far too often.
• One that doesn't hate people, but seems to feel better when they are not around.
• One that sees that big picture and isn't blurred from the minutia.
• One that sees this life as an insignificant skid mark on the universes' underwear.

Is my insanity going to slowly and ever so deeply infect my future genetic material?

Of course it is, unfortunately.

A Call To Arms

Okay, this is my plea for help, and since a know for a fact that a good many witty and devious souls visit this blog I figured this would be a perfect place to acquire a devilish scheme.

I work with a fellow who insists on playing one practical joke after another on me. Now I consider myself a pretty fair practical joker. I've always subscribed tot he idea of getting ahead rather than even, but currently I am losing the war. This fellow has added tot he name pained on my work locker. It did read ERWIN for my last name and he added the letters NEV to spell out never win.

He has used black electrical tape to cover the stripe on my time card so that I stood at the clock like an idiot trying to swipe my card. He has left numerous witty notes that have gotten more laughs and reaction than anything I have done so far. I have however procured the combination to his locker and I'd love to leave him a little surprise in their, but it has to be good. Any suggestions?

By the way I offer up a picture to prove that normally I win these battles. Several years ago I was taking a lot of heat from Texas Longhorn fans here ate work. They added horns to my roll around tool box. Left a variety of newspaper articles where I would find them, and so forth. But when they shoe polished my car and tied orange streamers and balloons to it I decided to show them what I was made of. Here is what I accomplished with a lawn mower and eighteen cans of red spray paint.

The N stood about sixteen foot high and was thirteen or fourteen foot wide. Before I painted it I scalped his grass as low as it would go so that he couldn't simply mow it off. I did this in broad daylight and the neighbor came out about halfway in and asked what I was doing. When I said making a Christmas decoration he simply shrugged, said don't get any on my yard, and went back into his house.

The guy who own this house watered heavily and raked the ares for over a week until you couldn't see the N anymore. This was mid December. Come spring he had provided so much car to the one area that he had a huge green N that did not blend in with the rest of the yard until mid summer. I also told him if he messed with me again I was going to climb on his roof and dump five hundred pounds of feed corn down his chimney. No one has shoe polished me since.

That's what I need now. The equivalent of that BIG RED N. So what y'all got?

Not that I need any more confusion in my life...

As Jason "JD" Dean would say: Greetings and Salutations !
I usually hang out over on LifeonDelaware It's really neat seeing the collection of coolness that is this blog.

Now here is a pic I snapped with the celly -- had to blow it up a bit, that's why it's so grainy, but what do you think it says?

I found it in a local restaurant parking space, in front of the sign advertising pumpkin pancakes of all things. I pull into the spot, well, because there was a parking berm there, and it looked like a space. Also, I thought it was next to my dad's car, which turned out to not be my dad Who's that guy sitting in Dad's car?

As I exit my car, I see the above sign painted on the asphalt with 2 arrows framing the letters. I was a bit puzzled... perhaps they were planning on resurfacing the parking lot...but, with...toner? I had no idea! So as my mother and I are trying to figure out what the heck this is saying we are getting strange looks from the guy next to us, who is not in my dad's car.

My grandfather walked up to us in the lot, took one look down and said, "not one."

Duh! Go figure - the English teacher gets hung up on the smooched together capitals and can't make out a sign! We got a good laugh out of that one.

And so did the guy who was not in my dad's car.

Something Actually FUNNY from SNL!

Ingrid Michaelson

Have you seen the new Old Navy commercial? You know the one with, "If you are chilly... Here take my sweater..." Do you love the song? Well my wife and I do, so we looked up who performed that little ditty. Turns out her name is Ingrid Michaelson, and she's an up and coming little cutie pie who's currently on tour with Matt Nathanson, who's another of my personal faves. Awesome.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's perfectly fine, because I'm here to drop some knowledge on ya. Click on the play button and enjoy. A feast for the eyes and the ears to be sure.

Brett Favre: 421 Touchdown Passes

Brett Favre today broke a 13 year old Passing Touchdown record that was currently held by Dan Marino. This is the most recent in a long line of records Brett currently and/or will hold in the end.

It's not so much the 421 Touchdown passes as it is his durability. His streak of consecutive starts is unmatched, in ANY sport. Brett has started in the last 261 games including playoffs for over 14 Years!!!

Some may say that Cal Ripkens consecutive start streak is more impressive. To this remark I remind everyone of one simple fact:

• The SACK: The NFL tallies this statistic to indicate how many times the Quarterback has been slammed to the ground by a 275-350 pound athlete.
• Brett Favre has been sacked 431 times. Can you imagine being healthy after being sacked 431 times?

How many times was Cal sacked in his career? Football is a sport where players have almost died, been paralyzed and wake up the day after a game and can barely get out of bed.

Congrats Brett Favre

Cross Posted at Rocketstar's Thoughts on Life

Mmm, scrummy!

I don't mind most English slang I come across, but I just can't get behind this one.



It's supposed to be scrumptious+yummy (I think) but that is really not how it sounds. Might as well call it skeezy pizza or something.


Also, for some reasons lately I've been thinking about how the UK really doesn't have many vending machines. In the US they're sitting all over the place, but most of the time here you have to park someplace, go into the store, etc. The only place I've really seen vending machines are inside one or two of the buildings at work. No quick soda fixes here! (Probably better that way really.)

Rubber Head ! (with hat)

This video just goes to prove that Magnum condoms simply exist to boost guys egos. If you can fit one of these things over your skull (notice I avoided the use of the word "head" there) then I'd hate to see the guy whose member was so large they'd actually need something bigger. o_O

Also, putting the hat on top is pure comedic genius. Happy Friday everybody!

Everything You've Heard About English Weather is True

This is the current view from the kitchen window.

The weather changes so quickly and so much that I have to go out bundled up against the wind and cold, carrying a bag big enough to shove all my clothes in when it gets hot, plus an umbrella for when it starts raining. And that's just for mornings.

On the other hand, English chocolate is very good.

By the way, if anyone who's been to London or anywhere in England wants to give me advice on fun things to do and see, that would be awwwwwesome.


Not much of a blog post, I know. Sorry. I just wanted to remind everyone that I'm here.

Introduction

I thought I would say my first official hello, so "hello", officially.

Ummm, hmmm. I cannot think of one interesting fact to note about myself. So, let that be my interesting fact: there is nothing notable about me.

My husband and I recently succumbed to the cable company and added DVR to our services. With this new technology, I was able to record Oprah from yesterday and I forced my husband to sit and watch it with me. Anyone else catch it? It was all about sex and porn and open marriages. You would think it would be exciting, but, um, it wasn't. It was very interesting though watching this couple in an "open marriage" that basically consisted of them inviting their friend over for board games and watching tv, and then the friend and the wife retired to the guest room for the night. What??? Anyone have any thoughts on this? LOL Dare I ask?

Oh, and I added a pic I snapped of the National Cathedral this past weekend. It has nothing to do with my post, but Cher likes pics, so I thought I would include one. I just wanted to jump on the "church picture" posting bandwagon, though, my church didn't have anything interesting to say.

Forbidden Jam

Oh great and powerful Duck! Thank you for this blog. It is great reading different blurbs from different people, all with the scroll of a mouse! Who would have thought?? YOU!

I do hope you like this sign (for clarity's sake, it says, "forbidden fruit creates many jams) at a church I drove past, and thought of your retarded sign posts(luckily I was in the back seat, because I had to get it on the way back. and I remembered at the last second and almost missed it altogether!). Oh, wait. your posts weren't retarded. The signs were. Or i am. Or something like that. Anyway, hope you get a kick out of the sign! -- Although, now I want something with jam on it. The power of suggestion...it gets me every time!!

Oh, and by the way everybody, don't bother calling that church and asking how much they sell their jam for. They apparently don't sell forbidden fruit jam...soo...ahh ya.

Hola

Welcome, Design Goddess!

I'm have a great time in Buenos Aires. Hope all you Amalgomates are doing well.

Tena

My first post

Hello everyone! I'm so excited to be a part of The Duck's master plan to take over blogla......uh I mean his great idea of bloggers coming together to post on one blog. Brilliant, I say!

Anyway, on my drive to work one morning, I noticed some strange things. Actually, I knew what they were, but had just never seen ones this size before. Can you say "medically enhanced?!"

So, here are a couple pics of what I saw. I hope they don't frighten you too much!

A church where every woman has a smile.

This one is for Duck the founder of this here amalgamation. I have seen a few similar pics on his regular site.






I hope you can decipher the message, but if not this church sign reads -- TRAIN YOUR TONGUE TO OFFER COMFORT



I spotted this message while driving down a busy street. My wife missed it at first so I told her what it said as I circled back to snap this pic. She said. I'm sure they didn't mean it that way. I agree but still people need to think these things through ...



Or am I the only one whose mind hops right in the gutter on this one?

Have A Good Weekend Everyone

Have a good weekend everyone!!

Check out Rocketstar's Friday Photos on his blog. The last picture is probably my favorite.

All is quiet on my front except that my buddy got me a ticket to watch the Mountaineers play in Tampa!! Woo-hoo!! Let's Go Mountaineers!!

THE Greatest Feeling Ever

Ok, well first we obviously must remove the ORGASM fro the potential list as we all know that it is THE greatest feeling ever, otherwise you would not be here.

So after the orgasm, here is the greatest feeling.

At #1, we have that "state of mind" in between WAKE and SLEEP. That feeling you get while watching TV in bed and drifting into and out of sleep. That delicate middle part that sometimes GET"S JOLTED by a feeling of falling although most of the time it is heaven (figuratively of course).

That feeling of your brain shutting down, rebooting and resetting for the loads , no TONS of information your brain will attempt to process the next day. I LOVE that feeling, the feeling of numbness.

Cross Posted at my blog at Rocketstar's Thoughts on Life

The Emmy's

Yay for Jeremy Piven for winning an emmy for his performance in "Entourage", possibly the best show I've ever seen!

And yay to everyone else who won something, although after I watched Jeremy accept his award, I watched the Patriots vs Chargers. So yay to the Patriots too!!

Travels with Tena

So my husband insists that I take my computer with me to South America. He claims that I'll be "crabby" if I can't blog. (The man knows me too well.)

If you're interested in a more-or-less daily report on my travels in Montevideo, Uruguay and Buenos Aires, Argentina, visit my blog.

Bye-bye for now.

Show and Tell

Friday afternoon I came home to find this little critter crawling up the side of my house. So I did what ever good father should. Caught the thing stuck it in a five gallon bucket until I could round up a large jar. Then I sent it off with the kiddos for their show and tell.

For those of you who might not know this is a Texas Brown Tarantula. Long about this time of year they start migrating and are a fairly common sight if you live out in the boonies like me. Contrary to the myths they are fairly harmless, no worse than a bee sting unless you are allergic or something. They do not normally crawl up houses and such but we have had a lot of rain lately and I guess this one was sick of having wet feet. I hate when my feet get wet and I only have two.

Ta-ta for now

I hate to blog and run but my husband and I are about to leave the country for about two weeks. He's got a conference in Montevideo, Uruguay (not Montevideo, Minnesota) and from there we'll be going to Buenos Aires, the land of heavy meats and Malbec wine. I know, it's tough duty but someone has to do it.

I'll have limited access to my husband's computer but when I can wrestle it from him, I'll check out what's up with the Amalgomates. Meanwhile, happy blogging. If you have some time on your hands, please feel free to stop on over at my blog.

Back October 1.

Best to all,
Tena

I feel so violated.

Hi everyone,
Hope you all had a Phat-Tastic weekend, get it Phat-Tastic uses a play on words of my name. Some people ask is that your real name, and usually I say yes. I mean if someone is dumb enough to believe my name is Phats then let them believe it right? So, did everyone have a great weekend? I sure as hell did. My boilers won, I went out partying with friends and my girlfriend, my crotch got grabbed by some woman. Yeah this literally happened. So, we're at the Neon Cactus great bar in lafayette, having a great time and this girl who is friends with my girlfriend asked if I would take a picture with her. I am a camera hog so I say sure lets go for it, and right as the camera flashes she grabs a handful! Uhh shocked was not even the word to describe it. I thought about posting the picture but I already have too many stalkers(CHER) because of my good looks.

By the way for those who care, my Boilermakers won Saturday 45-22 WOOHOO! 3-0 heading to Golden Gopher country this Saturday. Be sure to catch our homecoming game, because I will be on the field, Oct. 27th mark it down on your calendars.

Everyone have a great weekend and watch out for crotchgrabbers.

the introduction post

yo. what up, peeps?

My nom de plume is alternatefish, and I am currently entertaining the blogging world with recitation of my exploits in Merrie Olde England.

Probably I will talk here about England, and Oscar Wilde (we're engaged), and hockey, probably rugby and zombies, writing and the publishing world, maybe some more hockey. Or something entirely different I haven't thought of yet. We'll see.

I'm curious and excited to see what this blog becomes, the few people I already know here are awesome and I have high hopes for all the rest.

I would just like to end with this announcement.

Right, Travis?

So, I'm gonna learn Mandarin

This way I can interact with the rest of the world in 10 years. (When it all speaks Mandarin too.)

Although I'm not putting a huge stock of faith in UK city night classes, it sounds interesting enough, and it's cheap enough for me to do it just for fun. So maybe I will keep on with updates when I learn interesting things?

At any rate, signups were tonight, and they only have 7 people... they say they need 10 really, but I'm hoping they try to do it anyway because fewer people is better. Also, the other times they're offering it aren't as good for me.

(See ya later in Mandarin here)

Liar Liar, Pants on ...

Hello, my name is Travis and I make stuff up. I could have used a different word, but liar comes with such negative connotations, but isn't that what fiction authors do?

Lie for a living. Tell you fabulous, but totally made-up stories for your entertainment?

Now let me tell you first and foremost I call myself a writer, not an author because at this point I have yet to sell a single one of my novels.(But I will someday because I'm too stubborn to quit) I have this crazy notion that to actually be an author you must have a book with your name on the spin sitting on a shelf in some far, distant bookstore.

Now I have had a few short stories that have been accepted for publication including one I recently sold to an E-Zine. It will be available to read in November and I'll pass on details then. But my real goal is to be a novelist, so until I reach that point I am merely a writer.

So what does that mean? Being a writer? It means I miss a lot of sleep, I often talk to myself, at any given time I have half a dozen different voices whispering in my head, I spend lots of money on postage, printer ink, and paper. Also I have one gnarly, kick-ass collection of rejection letters.

But writing is my escape, I do not see it as tedious, laborious, or futile, and despite the constant questioning of well- meaning, but clueless friends who ask daily, "Have you sold you book yet?" I do not think my goal is futile. The process is slow and difficult and no one but fellow writers understand the entire business moves at glacial speeds.

I do have a few supportive non-writer friends but for the most part people are excited and a bit impressed when they first find out I write, then months later -- when they have yet to see my name on the New York Times Best Seller list, they say things like. Whatever happened to that book you wrote. Or Don't tell me you are still writing. But you don't have a thing to show for all that time and work?

But I'm not gonna focus on the negative today I'm going to talk about the positive side of writing. People think of it as an arduous task and really it's not. Over on my regular blog, One Word, One Rung, One Day, I try to make Thursdays my day to talk about the craft of writing, but I decided to pop on over here to this fine creation of Duck's and post it here instead.

First off, everyone is a writer, just most people never seek publication. Don't believe me? You say I've never written anything. To which I say, BULL! Everyone has a written a scene along these lines.

You're sitting there at work minding you own business, doing you job. Okay, maybe you are pretending to care about the new productivity numbers while scoping out that new hot chick(or dude if you prefer) they hired in accounting. Then your arch rival, Mr. Conceited catches you. And then he saunters over and laughs right in your face the says, "I saw you eyeballing the new babe. Well give it up retard because I already locked up a date with her this Friday." Then as the jackass is strutting away you say something lame like, "Like I care. I wasn't looking at her anyway."

Then the writer in you kicks in and all day long you rewrite the scene. You'll think, I should have said, "That's okay, I'll be busy with your momma come Friday night." and then you'll think about of a retort Mr. Conceited would have came back with. Then you'll add another witty line from yourself. By the end of the day you'll have an entire imaginary scene written out.

Am I wrong? Don't we all do this. Writing a novel is no different. Take a years worth of scenes, string them together and you got a novel.

Okay now you're gonna say but that's just adding to something that really happened. I could never just come up with something out of the blue. Again, I say BULL! But I've rambled enough for now, so you'll have to pop on over to my regular blog next Thursday if you want to hear my take on creating story ideas and sparking your inner muse. And if you like football, read my weekly, Tales of the Yellow Flag every Sunday. They are humorous, true stories about my time as a high school football ref here in Texas.

PS - Sorry Cher, no time for pictures today.

Dick

Cheney in 1994 discussing Iraq.



He makes a lot of valid points that have proven to be all too true. If he only knew now what he knew then I guess. Too late now!

Humans Are Just Large Parasites

Parasite: Biology An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.

American Heritage Dictionary Parasites that live inside the body of the host are called endoparasites (e.g., hookworms that live in the host's gut) and those that live on the outside are called ectoparasites (e.g., some mitesparasitoid.).

So we are ectoparasites and the Earth is the host. Humans originate just like parasites. Sperm fertilizes an egg and the egg (just as a parasite does) attaches to the host (the Mother) and feeds off it until its gestation is complete and it no longer needs that particular host for survival. Then these parasites feed off the Earth for their survival. They consume, burn and destroy their host and give almost nothing in return.

If aliens swooped down from space and circled the Earth, they would observe our parasitic behavior. They would see luscious green forests and vibrant green wetlands but they would also see these brown and black diseased spots on the Earth, commonly known as cities growing like mold on bread as they slowly destroy their portion of the host. Parasites and bacteria have always ruled the world from the beginning of evolution. Right now the number of parasites and bacteria in your gut far exceed the number all humans that have ever lived on this planet.

A parasite has but one mission, to propagate. In order to ensure it continues to thrive it continuously must look for a new host as it slowly destroys its current host. So it brings me back to the fact that as parasites, our mission should be to explore the universe to ensure we have a host to thrive upon as we slowly use up/heat up the earth. This would also aid our search for our true purpose in this immense and unfathomably HUMONGOUS universe.

Another thing just came to mind. When humans are infiltrated with an unwelcome virus, parasite or bacteria that make us sick, we get a fever. Our bodies raise its temperature in attempts to kill the unwelcome visitors because the unwelcome visitors can not survive at higher body temperatures. Maybe that is what the Earth is doing to us right now.

Maybe we are not causing global warming, maybe the Earth is trying to rid itself of its most detrimental parasite.

So thrive on you parasites.

Cross posted at http://rocketstarinmpls.blogspot.com/

Is this thing on?

Hi
I guess I should introduce myself, my name is Phats and I am an Alcoholic. OK so not really, but I am a sportsaholic that's close right? So, Duck talked me into doing this mostly because he kidnapped Purdue Pete and said he wouldn't set him free for the big game unless I joined this fine group of bloggers, so here I am.

I guess alittle about myself, basically all you need to know is that I am a sports junky, mostly college and, mostly the best college team ever the Purdue Boilermakers BOILER UP! However, a lot of people get tired of reading that CHER, so I will keep it to a minimum for this neato idea of a blog. I was a little disappointed that I am not allowed to talk about my porn collection but then I figured if Cher can do, I can do it!

So to wrap my first post up lets talk about the VMA's! Did anyone watch? I admit I watched it to see what Britney AKA world's greatest mom would do. Boy was she a hot mess, she totally forgot her own song and she was lip syncing. I think the funniest part was the looks on the peoples faces in the crowd. I mean 50 and Diddy looked hilarious! Boy she is a hot mess, and this was suppose to be her great comeback, and did you all notice she really didn't even dance. Evidently the rest of the night turned into friday night fights as kid rock and tommy lee tussled. I am sure they were fighting over who gave Pam her latest STD. Anyone have other thoughts?

Have a great one
Phats
Remember to Boiler Up!

Greetings from Tena

Hello, Amalgamates!

I already know a few of you: the lovely and talented Cher, The Duck (thanks for the invite to join), and Travis. I have a special warm and fuzzy place in my heart for Travis. I met him before I started my blog, and he was my first visitor. And now we share a blogospace. How cool is that? I'm looking forward to reading everybody in this group.

As if I need another distraction... I am busy trying to finish my novel. Well, not all that busy. Either I have a very short attention span or possibly ADD. My posts will probably reflect that. I think I'll write about specific topics as the mood strikes.

How many people really read your blogger profile? I mean, you could say you've won a Pulitzer or that you're out on work-release and do people question it? I have mentioned my interest in astrology (in fact, I had a small astrology practice at one time) but I have never had anyone comment on it or question me. Are you interested in astrology or do you think it's just woo-woo? I have no attachment to the answer, one way or another. I'm just curious.

Dead air

Hello you Awesome Amalgamators of the Amalgamation!!! It's me, Cher again... I'm not just posting because I'm a blog whore, I'm posting because I'm up to something kind of fun, yet stressful and could use some support!

click this link to see what I'm up to tomorrow morning

Zombies!

This may be in poor taste seeing as today is September 11th and all, but I've never been accused of having good taste anyway, so here goes. I just stumbled across this and wanted to share. Maybe someone else will pick up my slack and post something appropriately patriotic and remorseful.

Mechanical Turk and Missing Millionaire

Alright, I'll admit that I'm usually behind on US news, being in England. Most of it doesn't even make it over, which is fine with me. (Although Larry Craig's airport hijinks was a pretty fast-moving story.)

So there is a missing aviator someplace over Nevada, or thereabouts. I knew that, but didn't pay it much attention.

However, Amazon runs something called the Mechanical Turk (a name which has its own interesting backstory) which is essentially a service which matches up assigned tasks with people willing to earn a few cents to a few bucks. It's usually things like doing video transcriptions, making some fake forum posts, etc.

Sometimes, the assignment is to respond to a photo or make an identification in some way, to help make AI smarter.

Today a new assignment popped up on the Mechanical Turk. Using current satellite footage, thousands of users are to scour images of the Nevada wasteland (around the Fossett's last known location) to try and find some trace of him. They can flag any given image to have it sent to a second-level investigation.

That was just mind-blowing to me. How incredibly awesome. See, that is some good use of technology.


As a strange kind of follow-up, no one has found him yet, but they've found a couple other wrecks.

Hello All from Rocketstar

So hello to everyone and I am looking forward to this experiment but not as much as I am looking forward to today's NFL games!!!

The kids will be doing a lot of art today while I watch the games today while we all sit here on this little blue dot in the middle of the universe speeding at thousands of miles an hour into the vast open universe not even thinking twice about our insignificant existence.

45 minutes and counting... Good luck to all of you fellow Fantasy Owners.

Football is back!

I'm just posting this in case anyone may have forgotten an important tidbit about today. The NFL is back!!!!

Phew! It's been a while. My wife recently asked me if I like college or NFL football better, and I don't think I gave an answer, because I'm really not sure. I think that I'd have to say that I like the NFL better right now though, because at least every team has an equal shot at competing and winning it all, unlike the weird hierarchy of teams at the college level. Of course, I mostly feel this way because I'm a fan of a smaller school (Boise State), and I also generally root for the underdog when I don't have any other rooting interest.

Either way though, football is back! Who are your favorite teams? Mine is the third one down on the far right of that pic up there.

Hi, I Just Ate...

I guess, we're all introducing ourselves. Cher, in the post below me introduced herself, so I'm going to introduce myself too. I'm Angel Jr and I just ate the most gosh awful frozen pizza known to my digestive system. I'm about quick and easy, so when I saw this frozen pizza on sale, I bought a few. Cooked it up. It was thin crust with pepperoni!! I like thin crust.

Anyway, the sauce was so sour I wondered if the tomatoes were hybrid with lemons and limes. The pepperoni was as thin as the crust. And the it just tasted like flipflop that someone used for jogging and catching their foot and ankle sweat.

Never-the-less, hunger and laziness to get into the car and go through a drive-thru caused me to finish eating the thing.

I can mail the remaining frozen two to anyone who is willing to try them.

Hello! My name is Cher and I'm a blogaholic.

I take pictures of things that I think are funny, and post about them.

I realize this isn't exactly funny, funny, but I am wondering what on Earth is on this truck!

What do you think?

Welcome

Welcome to the Awesome Amalgamation. Yeah, it's a mouthful, but I feel it's fitting for what I'm trying to do here.

Essentially, this blog is officially extending an open invitation to any and all bloggers who would like to contribute to this little experiment. At this point, I'm envisioning two rules:

1. Nothing overtly profane (read: no porno). I don't want this to get shut down by the Google overlords, please.

2. Create at least one label per post. I've got the label cloud thing set up on the right, and I'd like to have new visitors be able to get an idea of the randomness that lies in store for them here at the Amalgamation, and see which general topics are most popular.

If you'd like to join up and start creating this little community, please click the email link over on the left there, and let me know which blogger account (email address) you'd like added.

That's it for now! Let's see how many we can get in here. 100 authors? Sure. 1000 authors? Why not?